Crush
by xklaine
Summary: Little crushes always lead to something bigger.
1. Chapter 1

_"Do you believe in second chances?"_

_"What about third, fourth, fifth chances? What if you have missed so many chances that you daren't hope anymore?" he asked quietly. "And what if another chance suddenly comes along? Is it still considered a chance?"_

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 1:<span>

Wednesdays were Blaine's favourite day of the week. People might call him weird, but he loved school. While his friends were outside playing football or chasing skirts, he was contented staying in the empty school library. He enjoyed the silence and the smell of library books. It was the only place in Dalton where peaceful thinking could take place, that little corner by the library with a beanbag couch and a small table. Every Wednesday, without fail, Blaine would disappear for a few hours and none of his friends ever knew where he went.

In the quiet, solitary peacefulness, where a corner just for one resides, where the sunlight strains to touch him through the little gaps on the window, where the red, washed-out curtains were moth-bitten, where no one could disturb him, Blaine would be there, drowning himself in another world in attempt to escape his own. There would be a new book in his lap, and that book would steal a couple of hours of his time each time he curled up on that couch. That was why, when Blaine turned up one Wednesday afternoon to his couch with a thriller novel he was excited to read, the librarian, a nice old lady called Mrs Weathers smiled almost apologetically at him – someone had taken over his couch.

Blaine was honestly surprised to see someone on his couch. Dalton students rarely ever came to the library. After all, most of them came from insanely affluent families who could afford an entire library of books in the privacy of their homes. He was more curious than annoyed that someone else claimed his couch, so he decided to take a look at this interesting figure.

As he neared his corner, Blaine heard soft, hiccupping sobs coming from the couch-stealer and felt his heart sink. It would be low of him to snatch the couch away from someone who was crying. So he hid behind the bookshelves and pondered his next move while sneaking a peek at the crying boy. The boy had his head in his hands and continued weeping, but when he lifted his head a few seconds later, Blaine quickly turned his head away, feeling as if his breath had been knocked out of him.

He was obviously not a Dalton student from the looks of his clothes. But that was not what which had held Blaine's attention. The boy had pale, porcelain-like skin with dark brown hair which fell over his eyes at one side. His cheeks were tinted with a faint blush that Blaine thought looked adorable. And on his right cheek, a dimple danced in and out whenever he bit his lip. What was most peculiar about this boy were his eyes. They were a greyish mix of green and blue, sparkling as the low lightings were reflected in his tears.

Blaine's heart was pounding against his chest. It was probably rude to call a fellow guy beautiful, but it didn't stop him from thinking it. This boy was truly gorgeous and just looking at him cry was simply a breathtaking scene. It looked like an emotional moving picture out of some clichéd romance movie, and Blaine couldn't help himself from stealing additional peeks at him.

"What are you doing?" Mrs Weathers whispered, startling the peeping boy. "Peeking at something you shouldn't?"

"Mrs Weathers!" Blaine shook his head frantically. "No no! I was jus-"

The old lady laughed. "I was just pulling your leg," she looked over at the crying boy. "I'm surprised that he's still able to cry. With all the tears he had shed, you would think that he'll be dried up by now."

"How long has he been here?"

"Hours," she shrugged, turning away from Blaine to straighten the already perfectly aligned books in the shelf. "But he was already crying when he came in."

"And he's been crying ever since?"

"No, he stopped for a while," she sighed. "Then he rejected about a million phone calls before throwing his phone on the floor and continued crying."

"He looks really sad," Blaine thought about it for a moment and snuck another glance at the boy.

"Well, why don't you go and comfort him then?"

"What?"

The librarian smiled at him as she hobbled away. "You should just talk to him instead of hiding behind that bookshelf and hoping to."

* * *

><p>Kurt looked up as soon as he heard footsteps approaching, his vision blurry. In front of him stood a Dalton student with gelled-back hair and a concerned look in his hazel eyes. He was not exactly good-looking in Kurt's opinion, but there was something very striking about the boy. He walked rather clumsily towards Kurt and stood awkwardly in front of him. Kurt looked expectantly at the boy, only his hiccupping breaking the silence.<p>

"Uh, I thought you might want to use this," the boy said, holding out a packet of Kleenex.

Kurt stared at the tissue packet for a while before accepting it and wiping off his tears. "Thanks," he whispered, his voice breaking.

The boy cast a few anxious glances around before clearing his throat. "I don't mean to be rude or anything, but why are you here?"

"Pardon?"

"No. I mean, not 'why are you here'. But you're kinda taking up my Wednesday seat."

"Oh," Kurt looked at the couch, and then back at the boy, and stood up hastily. "Um, I'm sorry for taking your seat. I didn't know it was taken."

He shook his head quickly. "No! I didn't mean it that way. I mean, you can have the seat. I didn't come here to take the seat from you. Actually I did before I heard you crying and-oh, what am I saying. No, no-no. What I wanted to say was you can have the seat," he finished lamely. The corners of Kurt's mouth twitched a little. "People don't often come into the library at Dalton," he continued. "So I was really surprised to see someone else here."

"Well, I'm not a Dalton student."

"I can see that. The question is, why are you in Dalton?"

"Am I going to be kicked out if I said I'm here as a spy?"

"No, but I can do that if you want."

"Are you like, a student councillor or something?"

"No, I'm Blaine. Blaine Anderson."

"Kurt Hummel."

There was a moment of silence as they both wondered what to say next. But Kurt broke the silence with a sigh.

"Hey, Blaine... Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Blaine shrugged boyishly.

"Do you believe in second chances?"

"Yes."

Kurt considered his reply for a while before asking slowly. "What about third, fourth, fifth chances? What if you have missed so many chances that you daren't hope anymore?" he asked quietly. "And what if another chance suddenly comes along? Is it still considered a chance?"

"Look, Kurt," Blaine said. "Maybe you're worrying about the wrong thing."

"The wrong thing?"

"The question you should be asking yourself is 'Do you want it to be another chance?'"

Kurt lost himself in his own thoughts for a few minutes as Blaine's words repeated themselves over and over again in his mind. Finally, he stood up and smiled at Blaine. "Thank you," he said. "And I'm sorry for stealing your couch. It was very comfortable."

"No worries. I understand the extend of that comfort. I celebrated an anniversary with it already."

The other boy shook his head in disbelief, grinning a little. "Well, I should go," he said. "I'm actually a newly transferred student here."

"Welcome to Dalton," Blaine replied, beaming. "Although I would have said that earlier if you had told me earlier."

"I'm off," Kurt said, waving to Blaine, who watched the boy walk away. Then Kurt suddenly stopped in his tracks and turned around, staring up and down at Blaine, making him feel uneasy. "Blaine?" he asked. "Can I ask you one more question?"

Blaine raised an eyebrow. "You ignored all my previous questions and demand me answer yours?"

"Yes," Kurt replied. "There. I answered one."

Blaine rolled his eyes and grinned. "Yes?"

"Blaine Anderson..." Kurt tilted his head to one side and looked at Blaine. "Are you shorter than me?"

* * *

><p>Blaine was having lunch in the cafeteria with Wes, David and Ivan when Kurt walked in, wearing a Dalton blazer. He took in his surroundings like a lost little kid and Blaine had to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing. So he simply sat there covering his face and shoulders shaking as he attempted to contain his laughter. The three others at the table stared at their friend and wondered if he had finally snapped from all the stress in Dalton.<p>

"Hey, did you hear about the new kid who came for the Warbler's tryouts today?" Wes asked. "He was really good."

David nodded. "The council was so surprised that we forgot to clap when he ended."

"Wow," Ivan mused. "That kid must have some voice to have you two praise him."

"Also," Wes added slyly. "Wasn't he incredibly handsome?"

"True true," David replied. "What was most surprising was his vocal range. Everyone was stunned when he actually hit that high F."

"Hey, Blaine. What're you looking at?"

All three boys followed Blaine's line of vision and found themselves looking at Kurt.

David nudged Wes. "Isn't that the new guy?"

"Don't you think he's so adorably lost?" Blaine laughed, completely unaware of the weird looks his friends were giving him. As if sensing someone looking at him, Kurt swirled around to see Blaine staring at him. His eyes flashed with annoyance as he charged towards him.

"Blaine Anderson! Why didn't you tell me that you are the lead soloist for the Warblers?" he demanded. "I saw you perform during the lunchtime break yesterday in the seniors' common room! And why didn't you tell me that you are the only person with a scholarship in this school and-" Kurt stopped abruptly as he noticed the other three pairs of eyes looking curiously at him. Blaine opened his mouth to protest, but was immediately cut off by Wes.

"Why don't you take a seat?" the Asian boy said quickly, smiling at Kurt. "Hello Kurt, I'm Wes."

"And I'm David," his friend added. David was an Africa-American and much taller than Wes. The pair looked rather striking together. "Blaine never actually auditioned for the Warblers. The solo role was his to take since Ben left for Harvard."

Kurt looked expectantly at Blaine. "And who exactly is Ben?" _(A rat hahaha.)_

"His brother," Wes supplied, putting on a fake dreamy expression. "His one and only brother. The one and only Ben, whose voice had once stunned a whole concert-hall full of people into falling for him."

"Okay..." Kurt glanced at Blaine warily. Blaine put his head in his hands and groaned.

"You know, I would have said that myself," Blaine glared at Wes, finally getting the chance to speak. "Since Ben left, the solo role has been changing from one Warbler to another. I had received several invites for a scholarship in Dalton for taking up the lead soloist in the Warblers ever since I've entered high school."

"But he was tied down at the other school," David explained helpfully, winking at Kurt. "And I mean tied down."

Blaine rolled his eyes at David. "Would you two just let me finish talking?"

"Someone's cranky," they said in unison.

He sighed and turned to Kurt. "I honestly doubt my ability to make friends."

The corners of Kurt's mouth twitched a little. "Go on."

"It's not that the soloists weren't good enough, but the stress of homework in Dalton and the pressure of being a lead soloist is simply hell," another voice piped up. "Only someone insane would actually take up the role, especially since you would have to maintain your grades for the scholarship."

Blaine groaned, putting his head in his hands. "Doesn't anyone here know manners? That it's rude to cut into a conversation? No?"

"Not at all," the three Warblers sang.

"Maybe you should reconsider your transfer to Dalton," Blaine grumbled to Kurt.

The blond-haired boy snickered. "Wait till you see the dorm later."

Kurt looked at the latest speaker and grinned. He was a ruggedly good-looking boy with strawberry blond hair and the bluest eyes he had ever seen. His eyes twinkled with amusement as he returned Kurt's smile.

"Hello, Kurt. I'm Ivan."

Blaine mumbled something incoherent and suffered a light whack on the head by Ivan.

"I'm Blaine's roommate."

Kurt looked quizzically at the three faces grinning at him and Blaine who looked as though he wanted to kill himself.

"I'm Blaine's older broth-."

Blaine had hurriedly clapped a hand over Ivan's mouth. "Ivan needs to go to class right now," he shot Ivan a death glare. "Don't you, Ivan?"

Ivan shrugged. "If you say so," he grinned impishly. "See you, Kurt."

Blaine smiled back at a completely confused-looking Kurt as he dragged Ivan away from the cafeteria. Kurt looked at the two other boys who were shaking with laughter.

"I thought you guys said Blaine had a one and only brother called Ben?" he asked innocently.

Wes and David looked at Kurt and then at each other and promptly burst into laughter, howling away even after the bell rang for classes to start.

* * *

><p><em>A few days later on MSN...<em>

_Kurt says: Hey, Blaine..._

Blaine says: Let me guess. You have another question.

_Kurt says: Yes._

Blaine says: Shoot.

_Kurt says: Who is Ivan?_

Blaine says: Huh?

Blaine says: Who is Ivan?

_Kurt says: No, I didn't mean it that way. Why did he say he was your older brother?_

Blaine says: Oh _oh_. No, he didn't mean to say he was my older brother. Ben is my only older brother.

Blaine says: Considering my parents aren't lying to me...

Blaine says: Things are kind of complicated with Ivan.

_Kurt says: Like?_

Blaine says: He's in love with Ben.

_Kurt says: So..._

Blaine says: ?

_Kurt says: He's gay?_

Blaine says: I believe that's the term they use.

_Kurt says: Oh._

Blaine says: Uh, are you like homophobic or something?

_Kurt says: No, no. It's just that I haven't met a gay person other than-_

_Kurt says: Nevermind._

_Kurt says: So how does your brother feel towards Ivan?_

Blaine says: Well, Ben isn't exactly in Westerville now...

_Kurt says: Oh._

Blaine says: Why are you so interested in this anyway?

_Kurt says: Nothing, just curious._

Blaine says: To be honest, I don't even know if Ben is gay. He doesn't talk about things like that. At least not to me.

_Kurt says: Why not?_

Blaine says: He probably feels like he can't trust his kid brother.

_Kurt says: Or maybe he just didn't realise that his brother's grown up._

Blaine says: Maybe. But I've been walking in his footsteps ever since I can remember. I don't even know if I'm Blaine or Ben jr.

_Kurt says: Blaine, you are who you are. And walking in your brother's footsteps won't change the fact that you're an extremely talented individual._

Blaine says: Hey Kurt.

Blaine says: I've answered your questions most of the time. Now hopefully, you'll answer mine.

Blaine says: Is it possible to love someone else when you can't even love yourself?

_Kurt says: Hey I'm really sorry, I've got to go. It's an emergency!_

_Kurt says: See you in school tomorrow._

_Kurt says: Sorry again!_

Blaine says: Bye.

_Kurt has left the conversation._

Blaine says: Is it possible to fall for someone on first sight?

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading Crush. Please review.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

_"Because if I say it, or even ponder the possibility, I would fall and never get back up again."  
><em>

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 2:<span>

My Dad once told me that I'll grow out of books one day. He said that it was a passing phrase, just like everything in life. Nothing really stays, especially feelings. He found it ridiculous to form a sort of reliance and love for some mere inanimate object. But when the world turned its back against me, it was the fictional characters formed from mere letters and imagination that saved me. Only those words were there for me when no one else was. In that world, I laughed, I cried, I found happiness; I finally understood why there were bookworms. It takes one to know one.

The only drawback is when I lose myself in that imaginary world. Back then before I started reading, I never realised how empty I felt. My two best friends had betrayed me, and all I could do was run. The betrayal had hurt, but after the pain and anger had subsided, all that was left was a perpetual numbness. I hoped and hoped and hoped that someone will pull me out of that dark abyss. But no one really cared. It was almost as if the only thing which kept me alive was that constant heartbeat and then nothing.

You reach a point when you're so numb, you can't feel anything anymore, and you ache to feel some sort of emotion, it didn't even matter if it was pain, physical or emotional. I was desperate for something to make me feel like life was still worthwhile. And books gave me those emotions. Through it, it was almost as though I was still alive and I clung onto those instantaneous emotions like they were my lifebuoy.

It was a coincidence to have stumbled into Dalton's library. The first week of school after my hasty enrolment in Dalton, the Warblers were supposed to give a performance in the cafeteria and I was running late. David's number showed up on my phone for the seventeenth time in the last five minutes and I quickened my pace immediately. That was when I turned a corner and walked straight into Mrs Weathers. She was carrying a tall stack of library books which had fallen onto the floor when we crashed. I can't exactly remember how things went after that, but all I knew was, I ended up in the library with the old librarian, chatting about all the untouched books in the library and claiming that couch for the very first time with a five-hundred-paged book.

That day, Wes and David were positively livid that I ditched the Warblers for books, although they grudgingly forgave me in the end. The other Warblers, however, were more amused than angry at the fact that I had found the library in Dalton. It was the beginning of my book addiction. I simply read and read and neglected everything else, including my friends - the Warblers. Sometime later when my Math result took a plunge and I got a B and most of my friends gave up on trying to talk to me, I finally snapped out of my book-drugged addiction and pulled myself together, limiting the time I allowed myself to read and apologising to my friends.

Gradually, it became a ritual for me to return to the 'ghost' library every Wednesday before Warbler practice with a book which I would lose myself in. That was my loss of self-control once per week. The one time when I allowed myself to escape reality and dream of what life could be. For a few hours, I would have left the face of Earth. I would forget my life and everyone else exists. And unfortunately, a couple of Warbler practices.

My Dad thinks differently about my love for books. He feels that it's just substitute for the loneliness I felt after that breakup. In a way, maybe it is. I don't know.

_Blaine,_ he said. _You'll realise that there are more things out there to experience then just in a book. When you find someone more important than life to you, books would cease to be of such great importance.  
><em>  
>To be honest, I look forward to the day when someone could distract me from my reading. Because then I would find the most important person in my life.<p>

* * *

><p>Kurt rolled his eyes at his stepbrother who had ended up on the floor with flour and eggs everywhere in the kitchen. Finn grinned sheepishly up at him as Kurt held out a hand to pull him up, rather unsuccessfully. Rachel's birthday was coming up and Finn wanted to bake a cake for her without Kurt's or Carole's help. Kurt tapped his foot impatiently as he surveyed the damage. It was almost as bad as when his Dad cooks. Almost.<p>

"So, how's the cake?" Kurt asked.

"Uh…" Finn looked in the direction of the oven. A huge black mess sat in the shape of a cake, still smoking. He chuckled weakly. "Not so good."

Kurt sighed. He had left the MSN conversation with Blaine when he heard the mini explosion in the kitchen and now he regretted it. Dumping the charred chunk of a cake into the bin, he washed his hands and started mixing the flour and eggs with an overenthusiastic Finn Hudson watching over his shoulder.

"How are things in Dalton?" Finn asked suddenly.

"Hmm?" Kurt replied distractedly, still mixing. "It's fine. The school's great. The cafeteria's food is amazing and the interior design is simply wow. Classes are a lot harder though. I had to do a ten-page long Literature essay for Mr Bomkins on the second day of school."

"No one is bullying you there, right?"

"No, no. The students are all incredibly kind," Kurt smiled, thinking of a certain pair of warm eyes. "And amusing."

"Huh?"

"Nothing," Kurt grinned. "Would you pass the butter please?"

"I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but-" Finn stared at his stepbrother. "You've got that look on your face again."

"What look?"

"I don't know," Finn gestured wildly. "Just… that look."

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "That's helpful."

The boys lapsed into a comfortable silence as the mixer made whirring noises.

"There, you just mix this until it becomes smooth and even and fluffy."

Finn laughed. "Fluffy."

"Yes, fluffy."

Finn opened his mouth to say something, but decided not to halfway, ending in a sigh.

"What's wrong with fluffy?"

"No, it's nothing to do with being fluffy," Finn hesitated. "Are you in love with someone now?"

Kurt choked on a gasp and Finn patted his back hastily while he coughed. "What's with the sudden question?" he sputtered.

"Just-just-" Finn stumbled over his words. "Asking?"

"Hmm…"

"Was that a yes?"

"Huh, what? No!" Kurt replied quickly. "Well, maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Yeah, maybe. We've only met a few days ago, and we haven't even talked much, but I can't stop thinking about him," he sighed. "Is that love?" He looked expectantly at Finn.

"Uh, dude," Finn said nervously. "Actually it was just a wild guess. I didn't expect you to admit to it."

"Oh."

"Uh, actually I wanted to ask you about something for the longest time."

"Finn, just ask already."

"Kurt, I know it happened a year ago, but I really think we should talk about it."

"Stop," Kurt said quietly. "Finn, don't even start."

"About Car-"

"Stop! Don't even talk about it."

"Kurt, stop keeping everything inside you. It wasn't your fault tha-"

"STOP!" Kurt glared at the taller boy and spoke with gritted teeth. "I. AM. NOT. TALKING. ABOUT. HIM." Then he proceeded to storm out of the kitchen, leaving an unfinished cake and a worried Finn who kicked the kitchen table in frustration.

* * *

><p>Blaine was twirling his pen around his fingers while Mdm Fray went on and on about how chromosomal aberration could lead to several medical conditions. Beside him, Ivan was snoozing in complete bliss. He was even smiling in his sleep.<p>

"He looks so cosy," Wes yawned, looking at his friend and wiping tears out of his eyes. "I swear, Mdm Fray is a sheep-counter personified."

Blaine grinned mischievously. "How do you think he'll react if we both poke him at the same time?" he whispered as loudly as he dared to.

Wes's smile widened and he nodded silently in agreement. Holding up their fingers as they silently counted down, the two boys suddenly drove their fingers into their sleeping friend's sides. Ivan jerked awake immediately and jumped to his feet.

"MOM! I TOLD YOU NOT TO WAKE ME THAT WAY!" Ivan yelled. Then he held a hand to his forehead and sank back down into his seat. "Whoa… dizzy."

The class of boys promptly burst out into loud guffaws and howls as Ivan began to realise what had just happened. He turned to the two on his left and right and tried to glare at them. But Blaine was laughing so hard there were tears coming out of his eyes and Wes was trying so hard to control his laughter that he was making little snort noises and Ivan felt a burst of giggles coming on. He kept up with his stern face until Blaine gave him a little nudge and he broke out into an embarrassed grin.

"Sorry, Mdm Fray," he apologised.

Mdm Fray simply smiled broadly. "No worries. I was just going to look for a volunteer to do a presentation for tomorrow on what we learnt today."

Everyone looked away from Ivan as he swirled around in his seat, hoping someone would volunteer the job away from him. Cursing under his breath, he grimaced and nodded glumly at Mdm Fray.

"I'll volunteer," Kurt replied, raising his hand. "I need the extra credit anyway."

Mdm Fray nodded. "Alright, the new boy-"

"Kurt."

"Right, Kurt will be doing tomorrow's presentation," the Biology teacher confirmed. She threw a warning look at Ivan. "You're off the hook this time."

Ivan spun around in his seat and gave Kurt a huge grin, mouthing the words 'thank you'. Kurt returned the smile and continued jotting down notes on his book.

The bell rang a few moments after Mdm Fray began her next sentence and there was a flurry of movements around the class as everyone starting packing their bags and leaving for next period. Ivan strode over to Kurt and gave him a huge bear-hug.

"Kurt, thank you!" He gushed, laying his head on Kurt's shoulder. "I love you so much!"

Kurt patted his back. "Hey, I didn't do it all for you. I really need the extra credit."

Ivan snuggled his face in Kurt's neck. "Hmm, I know. But I still love you anyway," he said in a muffled voice.

"Yes, yes. But if you make me late for lit, I'm going to kill you, love or not," Kurt replied coolly, trying to pack his bag with Ivan clinging onto him. "I'll take a free lunch as thanks."

"Really?" Ivan looked up, untangling himself from Kurt. "You're easy to please."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I want food from the best restaurant in Westerville." Ivan mock-groaned.

"Are we invited?" Blaine interjected, holding out Ivan's conveniently-forgotten bag.

"Sure!" Ivan replied enthusiastically, casually collecting his bag. "I'm receiving my paycheck two days from now."

"Paycheck?" Kurt asked.

"Oh, Ivan works as a free-lance photographer," Wes explained. "When he actually has time for himself…" he said, waggling his eyebrows at Ivan.

"Okay…" Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Um, Ivan?" he asked nervously. "I've got something to talk to you about. Do you think that you'll be free tomorrow night?"

"Sure. I don't have a presentation to do because of you. I'll free up my evening tomorrow for ya!"

"Great!" Kurt grinned enthusiastically. "I'll call you." Then the bell rang once more and all of them jumped.

"Crap, lit class!" Kurt panicked, snatching up his bag and running out of the class. Mr Bomkins is going to kill me.""

"Hey, remember! Thursday two o'clock at the side-gate!" Ivan yelled after him. Kurt held out three fingers forming an 'okay' sign and waved without looking back.

* * *

><p>"Blaine, we're at the best Italian restaurant in town and you're not hungry?" Wes asked, munching with his mouth full. Blaine shrugged lifelessly and continued pushing his food around the plate.<p>

David nudged his best friend, tilting his head towards the two boys who had suddenly gotten chummy overnight. "Shhh... He's feeling left out," David whispered, grinning.

"Oh, now I see," Wes whispered back, chuckling away. "Oh God, Blaine's looking like an abandoned puppy. He's making me want to cuddle him."

"Poor Blaine, pining over someone he had just met."

"And who fell for his best buddy."

Both boys sighed in mock pity for their friend. Blaine threw them a dirty look.

"I can hear you," he said. "In case you guys didn't realise."

"Oh, really?" they grinned innocently. "We didn't notice."

"So you admit that you're really pining?" Wes asked.

"Wes..."

"Oh come on, Wesie, you really shouldn't ask him so directly."

"Oops. Sorry, Blaine."

Blaine rolled his eyes and screamed internally. His friends weren't helping his situation one bit.

"So, how's the food?" Ivan asked, returning to the conversation from his hushed whispers with Kurt.

"It's good!" Wes and David exclaimed, their mouths full. Blaine merely nodded, barely listening to their conversation.

"How's the food, Kurt?"

"Huh? Oh, it's fabulous. I haven't eaten in restaurants like this since forever."

"I've got to go," Blaine said, standing up all of a sudden. "Th-there's stuff I've got to do." The four others stared him, stunned by the way he was stumbling over his words.

"Okay..." Ivan began, as Blaine picked up his bag and coat and practically ran out of the restaurant. Wes and David exchanged looks, trying to gauge the seriousness of the situation.

"I think we went too far..." David admitted guiltily. Wes nodded dumbly.

Kurt stood up, looking worriedly at Ivan. "He barely ate his food, and he looked weird. I'm going to go after him."

Ivan nodded. "I'll go with you."

"No," Kurt shook his head. "You should go back to your dorms in case I can't catch him. He'll go back eventually. Just wait for him there."

Then, without another word, Kurt picked up his belongings and chased after Blaine.

* * *

><p>Blaine was walking along the side of the river, watching the sunset reflected on the water. He wasn't thinking of anything in particular. Or rather, he was trying his best not to think about anything.<p>

There was a green-eyed monster who lived in him and that monster was causing him a lot of frustration each time it reared its head. Leaning against the cool metal bar, he sighed in defeat.

"These monsters live in me, you know?" he said out loud. "Monsters of hate, guilt, depression, confidence, trust, envy and so many more. I battle these monsters every day. From the time I wake up till the time I fall asleep." Then he laughed drily at himself. "No, they even bother me when I'm asleep. I'm so tired of fighting. I'm tired of pretending I'm alright. I'm tired of living this semblance of a life when it's actually a whole pile of mess. I'm so tired of everything."

"Everyone is," someone said quietly. Blaine spun around in shock to find Kurt looking at him with the gentlest eyes he had ever seen.

"You heard everything?" he said, sighing again after the surprise wore off.

"If you mean everything ever since you started talking to yourself, yes. But if you're talking about the insane internal dialogue in your head, no."

"Why is it that you're always seeing me at my worst?"

Kurt smiled. "Because then, whenever I see you at every other ordinary time, you'll be at your best."

"That's warped logic," Blaine managed a little smile.

"That's Kurt's logic."

Blaine smiled and stared into space, looking at nothing in particular and keeping quiet.

"So why did you run out of the restaurant?" Kurt asked, still looking at his friend.

"Nothing... just too many things going through my mind. It was kind of suffocating to stay there. I needed some fresh air."

"What's wrong?"

Blaine stared at the boy beside him and thought about how ridiculous the situation had became. The source of his problems was asking him what his problem was. "I guess the stress at Dalton is getting to me," he said. "The workload is insane and I'm just really tired. And I get cranky when I'm tired." Blaine ran a hand though his hair, which he hadn't gelled back that day because he had been thinking for so long in the bathroom that he had almost been late for school. "I'm sorry for lying back there to leave," he added.

"It's fine," Kurt replied. "I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have been talking to Ivan only while the rest of you were there."

"Uh, the two of you have gotten really close," Blaine commented, looking closely for Kurt's reaction. Kurt blushed prettily.

"Yeah, well. I guess," he muttered, his face flushed as he avoided Blaine's gaze. "Ivan and I have some... stuff in common."

"Like... a hobby?" Blaine cocked an eyebrow innocently.

Kurt stared at Blaine for a moment before bursting out into laughter. "Yeah," he chuckled. "Exactly like a hobby."

* * *

><p>*Phone ringing*<p>

A sleeping figure tossed in his bed, unable to determine whether or not to pick up the phone in his groggy state. The ringing stopped for a moment before it began once more, much to his annoyance. Letting out a groan, he pressed the call button and held the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" he mumbled sleepily.

"… Hey."

"Blaine?" the boy let out a huge yawn, rubbing his eyes. "What's up?"

Blaine was silent for a while. "Nothing," he lied. "I just wanted to know how you were doing."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"No, I meant to ask if you were seriously trying to lie to me."

Blaine bit his bottom lip and didn't answer.

"Come on, Blaine," he said. "I've known you since you were born. There's no use in calling me up in the middle of the night and lying to me. What's wrong?"

"To be honest... I don't really know."

"Did something happen?"

"Well, not exactly."

"Does it have anything to do with Michelle?"

Blaine winced. "No, no. It's not about her."

"So it's about someone else?"

"Kind of?"

"Blaine…"

"Look, I'm really confused. And your questions here aren't really helping!"

"But you're not saying anything either!"

The two boys sighed simultaneously.

"Okay, let's try something else. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"No?"

"No," Blaine said firmly.

The boy resisted the urge to scream into his phone. "So why did you call me?"

"I-I, uhm-" Blaine stuttered. "-don't really know either."

He let out another sigh. "So what do you want me to do?"

"Nothing!"

A tense silence fell over them as one brother tried to figure out the other.

"Actually," Blaine cleared his throat. "It's not that I don't want to tell it to you."

"It's that you can't?"

"No! I mean-" Blaine let out a frustrated cry. "-I have this secret. I don't even know if I should call it that. Fine, I have this thought. And it's been bothering me."

"Okay…"

"It's more than a thought actually. More like a few thousand thoughts mashed up together or something like that. And these thoughts really, really bother me."

"…"

"Say something."

"I'm waiting for you to continue."

"Ben, I can't say it."

"Yes, you can. You've done well telling me about it this far."

"No, I can't," Blaine whispered. "I really can't."

"Why not?"

"Because if I say it, or even ponder the possibility, I would fall and never get back up again."

"..."

"Say something. Don't stay silent."

"I don't know what to say."

Blaine sighed. "It's okay. I'm sorry for waking you up in the middle of the night. You should go back to sleep. Thanks, Ben."

"Okay, here's some advice, Blaine. Just... don't think so much. Sometimes, the answers are already in you. It's just how honest you are with yourself."

Blaine was silent for a moment as he thought about it. Then he nodded even though he knew Ben couldn't see him. "Thanks again for picking up my call, Ben. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Blaine."

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading Crush. Please review.<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

_"I am such a contradictory person."_

* * *

><p>Chapter 3:<p>

_I am Blaine Anderson._  
><em>I act as someone else in front of other people.<em>

_I am smiling and laughing._  
><em>I am scarred and scared.<em>

_I am positive for other people._  
><em>I am negative towards myself.<em>

_I am easy on other people._  
><em>I am harsh on myself.<em>

_I am so tired._  
><em>I spend my energy on useless thoughts.<em>

_I know what I should do._  
><em>I do what I shouldn't.<em>

_I am so numb I can't feel emotions anymore._  
><em>I sing, read and write to feel something, anything. Even if it is pain.<em>

_I lead other people._  
><em>I can't even lead my life right.<em>

_I allow myself the most freedom._  
><em>I restrict myself the most.<em>

_I am a romantic._  
><em>I am a realist.<em>

_I can't lie to myself._  
><em>I try to anyway.<em>

_I am Blaine Anderson._  
><em>I hurt myself the most.<em>

_I am such a contradictory person._  
><em>I contradict myself.<em>

_Sometimes my life is such a joke, I don't even know if I should laugh or cry._

* * *

><p>It was the week before their tests began.<p>

And Blaine was getting annoyed. Really, really annoyed.

"Would you guys just shut up for a moment?" he snapped at the crowd of Warblers laughing and talking in the other corner of his dorm room. "I'm trying to study!" They barely gave him a glance as they went back to fooling around and pouring more cups of booze.

"Sorry, I'm late!" Kurt burst into the room. "I got lost." The Warblers immediately greeted him with whoops and cheers as they pulled him to 'their' corner of the room.

"Kuuuuuuuuurt!" Ivan slurred, giving Kurt a sloppy hug, "You're here!"

"Hi, Ivan," Kurt struggled to get out of his strong grasp. "Are you guys even allowed to have so many people in here?"

"Nope," David beamed. "But that's part of the fun."

"Okay, c'mon, c'mon, Ivan," Wes struggled to pry the two boys apart. "You're drunk and you should stop drinking."

"Hey, Blaine," Ivan shouted as Wes successfully pulled him off Kurt. "Kurt's here! Can you come over and drink with us now?"

Blaine felt his entire face heat up. "I-I can't! I'm studying!" he shouted at them, turning away from them to hide his flushed face.

"Even if we sing something in your honour?" Ivan wobbled over towards Blaine, peering over his shoulder.

"Don't even think of singing!"

"Fine," Ivan smirked. "Boys, you know what to do."

Blaine groaned as he realised his mistake. The Warblers started their humming rendition of the drinking song from the Whiskey Galore film while Wes and David started laughing hysterically at the side. Then, with no signal at all, they all stood up and started moving towards Blaine with huge, drunken grins on their faces.

"Guys," he said warily, holding up his hands as a nervous smile formed on his face. "Guys, we're friends, right? You don't have to do this. I'll-I'll drink with you guys!"

"Too late!" All of them grinned a little wider, still humming.

Blaine tried to act assertive, throwing up his hands. "Friends don't do this to each other!" he yelled. "Gu-"

"TICKLE WAR!" Ivan roared as all the boys charged at Blaine, tackling him onto the floor and tickling him. Kurt watched at the side, rather amused, but a little horrified at the same time. Blaine was laughing with tears in his eyes, overwhelmed by the bombardment as all the Warblers except Kurt, Wes and David tried to poke their fingers into Blaine's sides.

"Does this always happen?" he asked Wes and David, who were doubled over with too much laughter. They nodded enthusiastically.

"Blaine was doomed from the first day he reached Dalton and tried to wrestle with Ivan," Wes explained through guffaws. "They both found each other's weaknesses."

"Tickling?" Kurt asked, convulsing into a giggle. "Seriously?"

"Okay, okay. STOP!" Blaine surrendered, laughing uncontrollably. "I'll drink, I'll drink."

Someone handed Blaine a whole bottle of Jack Daniels. He lifted the bottle to his lips and chugged almost half of it down in a shot. Then he held a hand to his head and tried to shake off his headache from drinking too quickly. Everyone in the room cheered. Then they broke out into a half-roar as someone suggested they go for a swim at the pool.

Kurt kept himself plastered to the wall as a dozen Warblers hurtled past him to get to the door. There was a few seconds of silence as Wes, David and Kurt surveyed the damage to the room. Everything was everywhere. It looked like a bear had ran into their room and started chewing on everything when it couldn't find food.

"Uh, Davie, I think we're in trouble..." Wes began, looking at Ivan and Nick, who were completely wasted on the couch with Jeff looking lost at the side and Blaine, who began doing his work again in a half-drunken state, mumbling to himself about some equations.

"I think we're in agreement, Wesie..."

A siren wailed.

"Crap," Ivan mumbled in his dazed state and tried to stand up. "The teachers are coming."

"What?" Kurt exclaimed, panicking. "What do we do now? Should we leave?"

"No!" David jumped up, dragging Ivan off the couch. "We can't leave them like this!"

Blaine looked up finally. "W-what's going on?" he drawled.

"The teachers are coming, silly," Wes shouted, grunting as he lifted Nick together with Jeff. "Turn off the lights! Lock the door!"

"Okay," Blaine complied obediently, locking the door and flipping the light switches, plunging the room into entire darkness except for light from someone's iPhone.

Kurt panicked from the sudden darkness, wringing his hands. "What's going on? Where's everyone?"

"Shh..." Blaine whispered, clamping one hand over his mouth and pulling him down to a sitting position. "The teachers are just outside."

Kurt realised the awkward position he was in as he struggled to adjust to the darkness. Blaine was pressed against the wall behind him with one hand over his mouth and the other holding his shoulder. He could feel his back pressed against Blaine's chest and Blaine's hot breath on his neck. Kurt tried to steady his breathing, but all he could manage were short, jaggered breaths. His heart was beating so hard that he could hear pounding in his ears. It was then when he realised that everyone in the room was silent.

The sound of footsteps could be heard from outside the door and someone spoke in a muffled voice. "Is anyone in there?" a man asked, knocking the door. His only reply was silence.

"I guess not," someone else said. "It's probably another room."

There were some sounds of movement before everyone let go of the breaths they had been holding. Blaine finally let go of his hold on Kurt and Kurt took in deep, long breaths. In the darkness, Blaine leaned over his shoulder.

"Were you nervous?" he whispered into Kurt's ear, his voice in a deep drawl. "Your heart was beating reeeeeeeally quickly."

Then Kurt heard a loud thud behind him as someone switched on the lights – Blaine had passed out on the floor behind him.

* * *

><p><em>1 A.M. texts...<em>

Kurt: I now understand why you and Blaine are best friends. You both really shouldn't drink. You say weird things when you're drunk.

* * *

><p><em>2 A.M. texts...<em>

Blaine: Am I going to do something stupid every time you show up?

_Kurt: It seems likely._

Blaine: Thanks for the reassurance. What are you doing up this late anyway?

_Kurt: You mean after cleaning up your dorm room and missing the last bus home?_

Blaine: ... Sorry.

_Kurt: Don't worry about it, I was just teasing you. I'm doing my lit essay. Mr Bomkins is a slave-driver._

_Kurt: But, it was kind of fun to see your drunken state. And how tickling affects you..._

Blaine: Right...

_Kurt: I'm serious._

Blaine: Black.

_Kurt: Huh?_

Blaine: Si-ri-us Black. Get it?

_Kurt: Nerd._

Blaine: Hey, I love Harry Potter!

_Kurt: I don't know why we're having this conversation at half-past three in the morning._

Blaine: Neither do I.

Blaine: We should go to bed. There's school tomorrow.

Blaine: Goodnight, Kurt.

Blaine: Thanks for everything again.

_Kurt: You're thanking me for watching while a dozen boys piled on top of you and tickled the hell out of you and stood by doing nothing? Wow._

_Kurt: It was my pleasure._

Blaine: ...

_Kurt: Okay, never mind. I'm done with my lit essay. Going to sleep now._

_Kurt: Goodnight, Blaine. See you tomorrow._

Blaine: See you tomorrow. (:

* * *

><p><em>3 A.M. texts... (whatsapp)<em>

Ben: I'm returning home on Sunday.

_Ivan: That's great._

_Ivan: Wanna meet up?_

_Ivan: ..._

_Ivan: For like coffee or something._

Ben: Sure. Isn't it like really early for you to be up?

_Ivan: Yup, but we sort of got buzzed and fell asleep early._

_Ivan: I forgot the rest of the evening. But Wes and David are going to yell at me later._

Ben: Ah, I see. That explains everything.

Ben: Did Blaine drink?

_Ivan: Still the ever worried brother, huh? Yes, he did._

Ben: This is called brotherly concern.

Ben: I bet he said or did some crazy things again.

_Ivan: How intuitive, as far as the last text from Kurt went, after I zonked out, he did._

Ben: Who's Kurt?

_Ivan: A new student at Dalton._

_Ivan: He's an interesting kid._

_Ivan: Come here and see him. Bet you'll say so as well._

Ben: Sounds like you guys are having fun.

_Ivan: We are!_

_Ivan: Anyway, Monday at noon?_

Ben: That's fine, I'll leave the location to you.

Ben: Oh, and Ivan?

_Ivan: ?_

Ben: Leave your camera at home.

_Ivan: ..._

_Ivan: Darn._

* * *

><p><em>4 A.M. texts...<em>

Ivan: Sorry for the EXTREMELY late reply. I was talking to Anderson Senior.

Ivan: What did I say?

* * *

><p><em>7 A.M. texts...<em>

Kurt: Hints to the sober Anderson Junior.

_Ivan: Oops._

Kurt: That's the extend of your apology?

_Ivan: I gravely admit for my mistake and I will accept any form of punishment Your Royal Highness bestows on me._

_Ivan: Will that do?_

_Ivan: Or is it going to require another lunch?_

Kurt: Si-ri-us Black.

_Ivan: Huh?_

Kurt: You and Blaine are really geeks.

_Ivan: ?_

Kurt: I'll forgive you this time. (:

* * *

><p>It was half-past one. Ivan stood outside a bakery, waiting. The smell of freshly-baked bread wafted towards him and he felt the urge to swear. His stomach was protesting and his feet were starting to hurt. He was the only one standing still amidst hundreds of people passing him by, some casting him strange looks.<p>

As he continued to watch the passing crowds, Ivan regretted agreeing to leave his camera at home. As least he would have had something to do if "Yan Qi" had came along. Most of his friends didn't understand why he named his camera, and even more so, why he gave his camera a name he himself had trouble pronouncing. But Ivan felt a need to name his camera gear. "Yan Qi" was the name of his Canon 5D Mark II body. His three lenses were named "Damon", "Stacy" and Marcus" respectively. He felt that names made them seem more intimate. And for a person who had major trust issues, Ivan needed all the closeness he could get.

Ivan tapped his foot impatiently as he checked his watch for the thirty-seventh time. Ben was almost late for two hours now. Ivan twirled his phone in his hands, hoping that it would ring. He sighed in frustration. The thing about having a crush is that you get really nervous before meeting him. He gave his phone a final twirl before dialling Blaine's number. Blaine picked up the phone almost immediately.

"Blaine!"

"Hello, Ivan."

"Yes, yes. Hello," Ivan said impatiently. "Where's Ben?"

"Huh? He's not with you? He left a few hours ago."

"What?"

"Have you tried calling him?"

"No."

"Huh. Ivan..."

"What? It's hard for me to talk to my crush, alright?"

"So your crush is still Ben..." Blaine muttered to himself. "At least."

"What did you just say?"

"Nothing. Why don't you try calling him."

"... Must I?"

"Ivan, you're the one who's meeting him. Not me."

"Yeah, that's 'cause you met him already."

"That's true."

Ivan rolled his eyes, then froze as a bad thought floated into his mind. "Blaine!" he exclaimed. "What if Ben is in an accident or something?"

"Huh?"

"What if he was hurt or kidnapped or robbed and injured and can't come?"

Blaine resisted the urge to laugh at his friend's rambling. But he kept a serious voice. "Ivan, you should really call Ben. Just in case."

Ivan nodded anxiously before cutting the call with Blaine without another word. But before he could dial Ben's number, Ben had already called him.

"Ivan!" he sounded distressed.

"Ben! Where are you?"

"At the hospital."

"What? Oh my God, I knew something like this happened. And I told Blaine and ohmygosh Ben, are you hurt? What happened? Or no, wait. Just give me a few minutes and I'll be there!"

"Wait, Iv-" Ben tried to say, but Ivan had already cut the call and started running.

* * *

><p>"Are you okay?" Ivan panted. "Turn around and let me check."<p>

Ben threw up his hands in frustration. He had been trying to tell Ivan for the last five minutes that he was not at all hurt. So he did as Ivan said and spun around for inspection.

"Oh," Ivan sighed in relief. "You're not hurt."

"That's what I tried to tell you for the past few minutes," Ben commented drily. "Ivan, all I did was bring in an old lady who had sprained her ankle because she fell into a drain."

"Yeah, well-um, well," Ivan mumbled, feeling embarrassed. "Sorry."

"Don't apologise, Ivan," Ben shook his head. "I know you were... concerned for me. And I appreciate your concern."

"Concern?" Ivan laughed humourlessly. "You call that concern?"

"Ivan..."

"Ben, I've been in love with you for the past four years," he said, blinking away frustrated tears. "And every time you see me, you treat me as though I'm as close to you as some stranger on the street."

"Ivan, I really like you," Ben tried to reason. "But we can't go further than being friends."

"No!" Ivan exclaimed, drawing concerned looks from some of the people who were walking by. Tears started to blur his vision. "We're not even friends. Don't you get it? We're not even friends! I don't even know why we're doing this. All those texts and emails and-and calls. You're not even remotely interested in me! To you, I'm just your kid brother's friend who is crushing on you!"

Ben winced, looking around at the small crowd which had gathered, wondering what was wrong. "Come on, Ivan. Let's talk outside where there are lesser people."

Ivan followed Ben out of the hospital, brushing away his tears because he was angry at himself for crying. He sank down into a bench and looked away from Ben.

"Why didn't you just reject me?" he asked quietly. "You could have. You should have. It's irresponsible of you to lead me on like this. It's been four years, Ben."

"Ivan," Ben said gently. "Ivan, look at me."

"I just needed a reply," Ivan choked back on a sob. "Is it that hard? A yes or no?"

"Ivan, I'm trying to do the responsible thing here."

"By leading me on?"

"No! I told you years ago that it's impossible for us to be together."

"What? When? The time when you sat me down and told me you can't date me because I'm Blaine's best friend?"

"No, Ivan. It's because-let's face it. You're six years younger than me. Maybe in the future, like ten or twenty years down the road, it won't matter as much. But now... it's a huge age gap. What would your friends say? What would your parents say?"

"I'm seventeen, Ben. Not seven. I know what I'm doing."

"You can barely purchase alcohol with a fake ID!"

"So it's about how I look now?"

"No! You don't get it, do you? It's not about how you look, it's about how people see you! And how you'll be subject to their whims and words!" Ben shouted in frustration. "Why can't you understand?"

"No," Ivan stood up quietly, tears falling freely down his face as he looked straight into Ben's eyes. "Why can't you understand? I don't care, I don't give a damn about what people think when they see me. I love you, I love you and I'm willing to give up everything for you. But I can see that you don't feel the same."

Then he turned and walked away.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading Crush. Please review.<strong>


	4. Chapter 3 Side

_"Unfortunately, insanity comprises of the happier aspects of sanity."_

* * *

><p><strong>Name:<strong> Ivan Kelvin Hayes

**Age:** 17

**D.O.B:** 17 July 1994

**F. Food:** McDonalds (I'll eat anything)

**F. Sport:** Does photography count? No? Never mind. Anything as long as I don't need to play. Bonus if I get to shoot.

**F. Movie:** Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Hey, Blaine and I watched the movie 15 freaking times! We watched the entire series over and over again until one of the discs (Azkaban, I think?) actually wore out!

**F. Book:** The Hunger Games. What? Don't judge me. I like Peeta.

**F. Thing(s):** My cameras! And lenses!

**F. Person:** Someone who will never love me back.

**Biography:** The major flaw of being a photographer lies in their unspoken motto: "Living to capture the moment". The thing is, photographers, or at least some, live to capture the moment, and in the process forget to live it. That's why I love watching people. I'm intuitive. Too intuitive for my own good at times. So I pretend not to notice things until I get hurt or frustrated, which isn't a good thing, according to Blaine. But I tend to notice things people don't. (NOT SPIRITUAL THINGS. THAT'S CREEPY!) There's good and bad in that. I won't elaborate because it would take more than 10 pages to explain. So, that's me, the intuitive (Blaine says over-sensitive. -.-) photographer.

**Strengths:** I'm an awesome photographer. (Self-belief is important, dudes.)

**Weaknesses:** I'm actually not who you think I am.

* * *

><p><span>Ivan: Side Story<span>

"Yan Qi" was a Chinese name. To be more precise, it was Ivan's "Nai Nai's" name. She was the only person who bothered to find him when he left home at the age of twelve. He had finally admitted to himself and to everyone else that he liked boys and it caused an upheaval at home. His mother hurled vulgarities at him and his father threw him out of the house because they said he was an unnatural being.

Ivan let his anger built up for days as the boys in school teased him and called him names, and suddenly, he had no friends left because all the boys ran away when he came. He flew into a rage and punched the lights out of the next boy who told him to drown himself. Then, he packed a single shirt and shorts together with the Batman action figure his uncle had gotten him when he was seven. He had given up on life and walked around the neighborhood for a day and a half, hoping and yet dreading that someone might come by and bring him home. He was starving and on the verge of passing out from a punch from one of the boys in school. But no one came except his limping 70-year-old Chinese neighbour whom he had barely spoken to before. She helped him up and brought him home.

"Ivan," Yan Qi said sternly. "It doesn't matter if you like boys or girls. You have a lifetime to decide on that. People will bring you down no matter who you are. Even if you are the President of America, people will criticise you and hurt you. What matters is that you, that you, and you alone, are strong enough to be who you are, and to be in control of what you do. Because that, is true strength."

He had broken down then and Yan Qi had sung him to sleep, a sweet Chinese tune which Ivan would never forget in this lifetime. She then bought him a camera the next day and told him that he should replace the bad images in his life with happy ones. It was a cheap disposable camera, the kind that you can buy at the beach where tourists often, but that was the beginning of his love for photography.

When Yan Qi passed away a few years later, Ivan hadn't cried. He poured his entire soul into working to buy a new camera. The day he bought his first digital camera was the day of Yan Qi's first death anniversary. It was a Canon 400D. And he named it "Yan Qi". Thereafter, every new camera body he ever owned succeeded the name.

It was on that very day at the grave when Ivan met Ben and Blaine. Blaine was crying before the gravestone next to Yan Qi's while Ben stood silently behind him. Later on, Ivan found out that their grandfather had passed away on the same day as Yan Qi. But at that moment, Ivan looked at the sobbing Blaine and wished that he could cry like Blaine was crying. It looked as though the tears were washing all the pain away.

Ben had noticed him watching from a little distance away and started walking towards him. Ivan panicked because he hadn't talked to anyone around his age for the longest time ever. The people he talked to were usually either shopkeepers or teachers because everyone else ignored or made fun of him. Ben walked straight up to him and pulled him into a warm hug, surprising him because he had thought Ben was going to hit him.

"You should cry," Ben said softly, his voice breaking as he held Ivan tightly. Blaine also stumbled over, with tears running all over his face, putting his arms around a complete stranger as he sobbed. "You look as though you want to cry. So you should just let it out."

And for the first time since the day Yan Qi brought him home, Ivan wailed like the lost, broken child he really was.

* * *

><p><em>*Yan Qi stands for (direct translation) mysterious swallow.<em>

_*Nai Nai means grandmother in Chinese. It may not necessarily be your blood grandmother, like how auntie doesn't always stand for your blood aunt._

* * *

><p><em>(The next day that Kurt was supposed to call Ivan after their Biology class.)<em>

_Phone call..._

"Hello, Ivan," Kurt started nervously. "Um-I, um-kind of wanted to talk to you about something."

Ivan grinned even though Kurt couldn't see him over the phone. "It's kind of inconvenient at the moment."

"Huh? Oh, really? Why's that?"

"I'm watching my roommate take a shower."

There was a choking sound over the phone and Ivan burst out into short, deep hiccups as he tried to control his sniggers. "I'm just kidding," he admitted between chortles. "Relax, alright? Kurt, are you okay?"

"Yeah," Kurt coughed. "Thanks for the attempted murder."

Ivan smirked. "It's my pleasure."

"So, it's not convenient because Blaine is there?"

"Yup," Ivan replied. "You're fast."

"I hope that's a compliment. So can we meet for coffee before school tomorrow?"

"Sure, I still owe you for that bio presentation."

"Great. I'll see you at seven."

"I'll bring pictures of that showering roommate of mine!"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I don't think it's necessary."

"Oh, really?" Ivan teased. "Because I think I know what you want to talk to me about."

"Really?" Kurt felt as though his breath was caught in his throat and he took in a deep breath.

"Nah," Ivan sang. "I was just pulling your leg."

Kurt laughed nervously. "Ivan..."

"Relax, Kurt. Have a good night's rest. I'll see you tomorrow!"

* * *

><p>"I know."<p>

"Huh?" Kurt raised an eyebrow questioningly, a little alarmed. "What?"

Ivan grinned. "I've realised how fun teasing you could be."

"You really should stop scaring me," Kurt sighed. "I might get a heart attack and die, you know."

"Hey, but I'm serious!"

"Right, Ivan," Kurt nodded, drinking his coffee. "I believe you."

"You're gay."

Kurt spat out the coffee he had just drank, wheezing because it had went down the wrong tube in his body. Ivan patted his back gently.

"Maybe you shouldn't drink so much coffee at once," Ivan commented sweetly, half-grinning.

"Maybe you shouldn't say things like that when I'm drinking."

"Well, now that you're no longer drinking, maybe you should put that cup down."

"Okay..." Kurt placed his cup back on the table.

Ivan smiled and leaned backwards onto his chair. "I also know that you're currently in love with someone I know."

"Am I really that obvious?" Kurt started laughing. "I thought I hid it pretty well. But anyway, I don't even know if I'm in love. I mean, he's cute and everything, but..."

"Not your type?"

"I don't even know if he's gay."

Ivan nodded understandingly. "Well, I am."

"Right, and there's a lot of use in that," Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Hey, I'm hurt!" Ivan clutched at his heart. "How could you say that?"

"Ivan, be serious."

"Hey, if it were Blaine, he would answer this with 'Black'."

"Huh?"

"Try it the next time!"

Kurt sighed again. "Ivan..."

"Look at us," Ivan smiled again and spoke dramatically, but this time the pain was apparent in his eyes. "It must be fate. Why is it that of all people to fall for, we both fell for the Anderson brothers?"

"We must be insane."

Ivan smiled bitterly. "Unfortunately, insanity comprises of the happier aspects of sanity."

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading Crush. Please review.<strong>


	5. Chapter 4

"_Why am I always like that? I get into relationships I shouldn't get into, hurt everyone else because I'm hurting inside, and now I'm hurting myself as well. Why do I do this to myself...?"_

* * *

><p>Days like this, Ivan would always sit by the window and stare at the raindrops sliding down the glass panes. If he listened closely enough, he could hear the soft musical patter of each drop. It was as if the weather had predicted his mood and was crying in his place. Like every other time he felt frustrated, Ivan wished he could just break down and let everything go. But tears didn't come easily for Ivan.<p>

Ivan sighed for the hundredth time since he had entered the cafe. That dark-haired boy standing behind the counter was casting glances at him again. Ivan had noticed him for weeks now, but today, he didn't even bother to smile at him when he ordered his latte. The boy had looked confused then, and he tried to start a conversation, yet all Ivan could manage was a tight smile before retreating to his corner.

He turned back to look at the raindrops, each one fighting the other to slide down faster. They seemed to be playing a game he could only watch and not participate in. He scowled. It was almost unfair to treat him like this. Ivan felt himself sink a little further into depression, wondering why he let himself get caught up in the meaningless pursuit of a one-sided relationship. He couldn't get anywhere with Ben, but at the same time, he didn't attempt to give up either.

"Excuse me," a deep voice spoke. Ivan looked up to see the barista smiling at him.

"Yes?"

"I'm really sorry," the boy looked apologetic. "But we're about to close."

"Oh," Ivan blinked, getting up hastily. "Well, I should get going then."

"Um, right," the boy shuffled nervously. "Uh, you know. I'm kind of ending my shift in ten minutes, so, um-"

Ivan raised an eyebrow.

"Could y-you wait for me to end my shift?"

* * *

><p>A while later, Ivan stood outside the backdoor of the shop and waited in the cold, pulling his jacket more snugly around him as the cold wind crept under his clothes and chilled him to the bone. The rain had slowed to a drizzle, but Ivan's emotions were still in as much of a mess as before. He wondered why he was waiting for a complete stranger alone in the dark. Maybe it was because that stranger had a look about him, a look when Ivan often wore – when he looked at Ben.<p>

"Hi, sorry about the wait."

"It's fine," Ivan managed a civilised smile, shaking his head. "You said you wanted to tell me something. Shoot."

"Shoot," the boy laughed weakly. "Um, yeah, shoot..."

Ivan nodded slowly.

"I love you," he blurted, flushing so hard that Ivan could see the colours in his cheeks even in the dim light.

Ivan sucked in a deep breath so quickly that he choked. "W-what?"

"I..." the boy repeated. "... love you."

"I know. I mean-I heard the first time, but how could you love me?"

"But I do!" the boy cried. "I've loved you since the day you stepped into the cafe a month ago."

"You-um, I don't even know your name-"

"Richie."

"Richie, do you even know my name?"

"Yes," the boy brightened. "You're Ivan Hayes."

Ivan started. He hadn't expected this.

"I must have shocked you," Richie's smile widened, then he frowned. "It wasn't easy to find your name. I saw you in your Dalton blazer the first time you came. You were with your... friend. I wanted to talk to you since then, but didn't have to courage to."

Ivan tilted his head as he tried to remember his first visit. If he wasn't wrong, he was with... Ben.

"You were smiling and laughing and you looked really happy."

"I must have been."

If Richie had noticed his change in moods, he didn't show it. "You never looked that happy again whenever you came back," he mused.

Ivan smiled wryly at him. "I never came back with him again."

"Is," Richie paused. "... he your boyfriend?"

"No," Ivan replied quickly. "No, he isn't."

Richie's grin widened sweetly. "Does-does that mean that I have a chance?" he asked, avoiding Ivan's eyes shyly.

Ivan felt his breath catch. "Oh, um..."

Richie paused briefly, then he leaned towards Ivan for a kiss. Just before their lips touched, Ivan held a hand up against Richie's chest. Richie backed away immediately, hurt apparent in his eyes. He apologised immediately.

"Richie," Ivan looked straight into his dark eyes. "Do you have time now?"

* * *

><p>Thunders roared. The street lamps flickered weakly under the bombardment of the rain pelting down against the pavement. Ivan stood numbly in the middle of the pavement, slowly becoming drenched. A bicycle whizzed past him, almost colliding. Its rider turned back to make a rude gesture at him.<p>

"Sorry," Ivan mumbled to no one in particular. "Sorry, sorry, sorry..."

It was half-past three in the morning. Ivan's head throbbed painfully as if he were drunk. It didn't help that the lower part of his body was throbbing as well. Richie may have been a virgin, but it didn't mean he went easy on Ivan. The rain beat down mercilessly, and Ivan collapsed into a half-sitting position in the middle of nowhere, grimacing as he did. The pain almost made him pass out.

He struggled to get a grasp on what he had just done as he let the water soak through his body. He was shivering in the dark and had no idea where he was. Ivan had left Richie's one-room apartment in such a muddled hurry that he had forgotten to take his jacket. Reaching into his pocket for his phone, laughing because of the ridiculous way his phone was working after he and Richie accidentally smashed the screen as they fell onto the floor.

There were fifty-nine miss calls from Blaine and even more from Ben. Kurt tried his hand at several attempts, but gave up soon after, deciding that Ivan needed his time alone. Ivan sighed. The dorms would have been closed by now due to the curfew so Blaine would be in trouble if he tried to come out now, and he certainly didn't want Ben to see him in this state. So Ivan called the next best alternative. The rainwater viciously attacked the broken phone as he held it to his ear. After several rings, a very groggy Kurt Hummel picked up the call.

"Hello?" he grumbled. "It's late, Ivan."

"Kurt..." Ivan said weakly. "Kurt..."

"Ivan? Are you okay?"

"K-kurt," Ivan breathed, breaking into a sob. "I did such a stupid thing... I did such a horrible thing..."

"Ivan, it sounds weird over there. Is it raining? Are you outside now? Where are you?"

"I don't know... I really don't know..."

"Ivan, don't pass out on me," Kurt panicked. "Keep talking. Can you see anything?"

"Some lights. There's a streetlamp."

"Anything else?"

"There are no cars," Ivan laughed deliriously. "Why are there no cars?"

"Ivan, are you okay? You sound weird."

"No!" Ivan shouted into the phone. "I'm not okay!"

"Ivan, where were you just now?"

"Richie."

"What? Who?"

"Richie, o-oh Kurt. I did something horrible to him! I shouldn't have done that. He liked me, he really did!"

"Ivan, Ivan, calm down and tell me where this Richie guy stays."

"Lily-something."

"Lily?"

"I can't remember the second word. Flower? Street? Walk?" Ivan thought hard. "Dale," he exclaimed. "It's Lilydale! I ran out and forgot to bring my jacket. It's freezing, Kurt."

"Lilydale? Okay, Ivan. I'm coming down to get you, so stay where you are and I'll find you," Ivan picked up his car keys and a couple of umbrellas and rushed out from his front door.

Ivan was quiet for a moment and Kurt grew anxious because he didn't talk. "Ivan...?"

"Why am I always like that? I get into relationships I shouldn't get into, hurt everyone else because I'm hurting inside, and now I'm hurting myself as well. Why do I do this to myself...?"

Then his voice trailed off and Kurt heard a loud crash as the line disconnected. "Hello...? Ivan? Ivan...?"

* * *

><p>Ben was pacing around the room in circles when the phone rang. He was so tired that he could see black spots each time he knocked into something. Nonetheless, he was by his bedside in a flash and scooped up his phone immediately. "Hello?" he breathed. "Is he back?"<p>

"He's in Kurt's house."

"What?"

"Kurt's a new friend."

"I know," Ben said rather impatiently. "Is-it he okay?"

"Kurt said he was running a high fever."

"What? How did that happen?"

"You mean, after you broke his heart?"

"Blaine..."

"He's delirious, Ben. They had to send him to the hospital for a jab so that his brain wouldn't get fried. Kurt said he kept muttering in his sleep on the way there."

"So he's passed out now?"

"As far as Kurt managed to tell me before he fell asleep himself."

"Oh," Ben nodded, releasing the breath he held. "He's okay, then. He's okay..."

"Okay, Ben. You told me not to lie to you, so now I want you to do the same for me. We've been brothers all our lives and I've known you since the day I was born. I see the way you treat Ivan, and I know that he's not an ordinary friend to you. You care for him, much more than a lot of other people-" Blaine paused. "Much more than me."

"Blaine, that's-"

"Don't tell me it's not true. I know it is. I also know that you have feelings for Ivan that no one can take away from you, even when you tried to date Sandra. And failed horribly."

Ben sighed.

"Be honest with me."

"I like Ivan."

"Like is a very general term."

"I'm in love with him."

"So what's the problem here? Why did you have to throw all his feelings back to his face when you feel the same way?"

"Blaine, I can't date him. He's your best friend."

"Look, Ben. If Ivan being my best friend is what stops you from dating him, then I wish I never had this best friend. Because I'll rather have a perky not-so-close friend and a happy brother, rather than a depressed best friend and miserable brother."

"Blaine, you have to understand..."

"No, it's past five in the morning," Blaine sighed. "I don't have to understand. I'm going to catch a couple of hours of sleep before getting leave from school and rushing down to Kurt's house. I'll text you his address. The rest is up to you."

* * *

><p>The door was white, the door frame was white, and the stone steps were white. Ben could feel the colour draining from his face as he walked up to the door. He rang the doorbell once and waited while tightly clutching the basket of roses and fruit. The door swung open and Burt took him in, looking carefully up and down. Then he nodded.<p>

"You must be Blaine."

"Oh, um. I mean, no," Ben shook his head quickly. "I'm not Blaine. I'm his brother, Ben."

Burt looked a little confused, but he seemed to take it rather well. "Come on in, then. You're here to visit the patient in my house, right?"

"Yes."

"I'm Burt."

"Thanks for letting Ivan stay at your house, Burt."

Burt pursed his lips and nodded again. "Well, it's not like I can turn away a boy who came here soaking wet in the middle of the night, running a high fever. My kid, Kurt, was practically on his knees when he explained the situation. We brought him to the hospital immediately. His room's downstairs on the left. I'll leave you boys to it."

Ben felt a twinge of guilt as Burt walked away. He stood by the doorway of the basement long after Burt was gone, unsure of what to do.

"Ben?" an unfamiliar voice called from behind him. He swirled around to find a pale, blue-eyed boy staring at him. "You are Ben, right?" the boy tilted his head, as if considering him. "You have the same eyes as Blaine."

"Kurt...?" Ivan called out. "What's going on?"

Ben opened his mouth to reply but was quickly shushed by Kurt.

"Nothing," Kurt lied smoothly. "Ivan, I need to buy some groceries for my Dad. I'll be back in a while. Just stay in bed and call for my Dad or Finn if you need anything."

Ivan gave an approving grunt in response. Ben looked quizzically at Kurt, who was pushed him away from the door and led him out of the house into the backyard.

"Why didn't you let me see him?" Ben asked, annoyed.

"Excuse me?" Kurt retorted hotly. "I believe you are currently in _my_ house. You're not in any position to make demands. Especially after what you did to Ivan."

"Oh, God," Ben threw up his hands in frustration and tugged at his brown curls. "Does everyone in this town know about it?"

"Well," Kurt crossed his arms. "I couldn't confirm it until you confessed it."

"What?"

"I guessed it."

"Huh?" Ben stared at Kurt as if he had three heads, four eyes and twenty-six tentacles. "I beg your pardon?"

"They said you graduated top of your class, with the highest grades Dalton has ever seen in over twelve decades," Kurt rolled his eyes. "Maybe they were joking?"

Ben gritted his teeth frustration. Talking to Kurt was making his blood pressure rise.

"I said," Kurt repeated for Ben's benefit. "I guessed that you said something to Ivan. I guessed it when Blaine gave me that panicked call and told me that he disappeared after meeting you."

Ben looked away from Kurt, backing away as he collapsed onto a bench. Taking in deep breaths to calm himself down. "I know Ivan won't understand at the moment. He has been with me for far too long to understand how I'm feeling now."

"You probably said something too profound for the lovesick heart of his to understand."

Ben opened his mouth to defend himself, but shut it again, overwhelmed with guilt. "I love him," Ben said quietly. "I never wanted any of this to happen to him."

"But it did."

"Yes, it did," Ben closed his eyes, willing himself not to cry. "I hurt him, over and over again."

"You said you love him."

"I do," Ben admitted. "I love him. I love him so much that sometimes words aren't enough to say what I feel for him."

"So why did you reject him?"

Ben looked straight at Kurt for the first time. "Because I shouldn't love my brother's best friend more than my brother himself."

* * *

><p>Ivan looked up from Kurt's pile of fashion magazines as soon as he hear noise coming from upstairs. Staring into the eyes of the boy who he loved so much, he gave a painful smile.<p>

"Mr Cooper Benjamin Anderson," he croaked weakly. "To what do I owe the honour?"

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading Crush. Please review.<strong>


	6. Chapter 5

"_That's because pain is the most universal emotion in the world."_

* * *

><p><em>Anxious texts...<em>

Kurt: Where are you?

_Blaine: I'm reaching in a few minutes._

Kurt: I have officially been chased out of my very own room.

_Blaine: What?_

Kurt: Just kidding. I left those two in my room to sort things out. Hopefully it goes well. If they thrash the house, Dad will kill me.

_Blaine: So where exactly are you now?_

Kurt: Just outside my house.

Kurt: Wandering around aimlessly.

_Blaine: Okay, give me a few minutes and I'll be there._

* * *

><p>"I still can't believe you actually let the two of them use your room."<p>

"Well," Kurt said dryly. "There wasn't much of a choice. They wanted to speak privately and Ivan can barely walk. It was either letting them use my room or chucking them in the toilet."

Blaine made a snort. "So now, all we can do is wait?"

"I guess so," Kurt smiled at Blaine. He suddenly noticed how thick and long Blaine's eyelashes were. "Hey, your eyelashes are beautiful."

"You're calling this beautiful?" Blaine laughed, pointing at his eyes. "Have you seen yourself yet?"

Then Blaine stopped short as he realised what he had just said. Kurt was looking at him questioningly, his face slightly flushed. Just as Blaine opened his mouth to explain, the front door swung open, startling both boys. They jumped apart, realising how close their faces were. Ben stormed down the steps, his face scrunched up in fury.

"Ben, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm going home. Thanks for letting us-me into your house, Kurt. Sorry about hijacking your room."

"It's fine," Kurt mumbled, a little intimidated by his expression. "I'll chuck you guys in the toilet if it ever happens again."

"Ben," Blaine repeated. "What's going on?"

"I just woke up from my fantasies," he laughed humourlessly, stopping when they gave him quizzical looks. "Never mind, I'll see you at home, Blainers. See you, Kurt."

Ben walked away. Both Kurt and Blaine cocked an eyebrow, looking at each other. Blaine started going after his brother. "Cooper! Stop!"

"Don't call me that!" Ben shouted. "And don't follow me!"

With that, he broke into a run, leaving Kurt and Blaine staring after him. Kurt shuffled around for a bit, wondering what to do.

"Uh, Blaine."

"Kids," Blaine muttered irritably. He turned to face Kurt. "There's probably more damage on the other child right now."

"Who?" Kurt frowned for a moment before he realised who Blaine was referring to. "Ivan!"

"Come on," Blaine said, pushing Kurt through his own front door. "Ben can take care of himself."

"And Ivan can't?"

Blaine smiled grimly. "That's right, he can't."

* * *

><p>"Hey."<p>

"Hey yourself, I. How on earth does someone get lost, a broken phone and a fever in the rain in the middle of the night?" Blaine teased gently. "What? Do you think you're Taylor Swift? _Meet me in the pouring rain..._"

"Blaine, I have a pounding headache that won't go away. Your incredibly amusing joke hardly acts as aspirin," Ivan rolled his eyes, but Blaine had coaxed a smile out of him like he always did when Ivan felt terrible. He turned to face Kurt. "I'm sorry we chased you out of your room, Kurt."

"Again, it's fine," Kurt replied. "Just don't make a habit of it."

"I should be going soon," Ivan nodded, lifting the bed covers off himself. "One night of hogging your bed, the next morning I hog your room. I should get back to the dorms. Plus we're all skipping school because of me. The situation is getting a little out of hand."

"Ivan, I don't mind having you here."

"Of course you do, silly," Ivan grinned. "Who likes to sleep on the sofa in his own room?"

"Ivan," Kurt sat down beside him on the bed, reaching out to hold his hand. "What happened?" he asked gently. Blaine sat down on his other side.

Ivan attempted a laugh, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. So he avoided Kurt's gaze. "Nothing. I'm fine, really."

"Don't lie, Ivan. People who assure themselves with a 'really' behind their sentences are often lying. You are anything but okay."

Ivan sighed, blinking away tears which threatened to fall.

"Ivan, come here," Kurt held out his arms as Ivan fell into them.

He choked back on a sob as he leaned against Kurt's shoulder. "I did a horrible thing," Ivan muttered, closing his eyes as if it would staunch the tears. "To Richie, and to Ben."

"Who's Rich-" Blaine began, but Kurt cut him off with a finger to his lips. Blaine nodded.

"Shh..." Kurt whispered. "It's okay. It's okay."

"It was such a terrible thing to do. I knew I was in love with Ben, but I still slept with Richie. And I didn't even know Richie. Hell, I don't even know his last name!" Ivan warbled in a pool of information, speaking so quietly and quickly that Kurt and Blaine could barely hear what he was saying. "And then I told Ben... I told him..." he broke off into a garbled mess of sobs and incoherent words. Kurt continued to stroke his back, murmuring soothing nonsense.

Blaine watched helplessly at the side. There was a confusing war raging within his head and it was messing up his thoughts. On one hand, he was grateful for Kurt being here to handle a situation that he was normally terrible at. On the other, there was a dark tendril of jealousy that shot through him.

And this time, he wasn't quite sure who he envied. Was it Kurt? For being able to comfort his best friend in his place? Or was it Ivan? Who was currently snuggled in Kurt's arms? Blaine tried to push these thoughts away like he had been trying to for so long. Ivan was in pain now, and all he could think of was himself. Blaine felt a whelm of bitterness towards himself.

"How did you know?" Ivan was asking quietly between coughs, seemingly half-conscious. "How did you know that I wasn't okay?"

Kurt hugged him closer, tucking Ivan's head under his chin. "That's because pain is the most universal emotion in the world."

* * *

><p>An hour later, Kurt and Blaine had tucked Ivan, who had cried himself to sleep, back into bed and were out of Kurt's house, walking back to Blaine's dorms.<p>

"You're pretty amazing, you know?"

"You're stating the obvious," Kurt said with a smirk, which teased a burst of laughter from Blaine.

"Thanks for taking care of Ivan."

"Blaine, you and your brother are thanking me for things that I would do for any friend who needs my help."

Blaine hesitated. "It's not just the staying part."

"What do you mean?"

"You talk to Ivan in a way more comfortable tone than when we talk to him. I don't know, maybe it's because Ben and I have been friends with Ivan for so long that we know what topics to avoid when we're around him. So generally it becomes awkward for us to talk about certain topics, like about the boys he dated. Or rather, try to date. Or about Ben, because-well, I've never fallen for a guy before. And obviously it'll be awkward to talk to each other about what he and Ben feel towards the other. It's a bit confusing about what's going on in each of their heads, really. And I'm too much of a coward to ask any of them."

"Blaine, it's not a crime to feel awkward about asking questions like these."

"Ivan and I are supposed to be best friends. But I don't tell him a lot of things. And neither does he. There's a mutual understanding to not go beyond certain questions. Like how he didn't even question why I transferred to Dalton in haste a year ago. And there's plenty of other things we didn't tell each other. You'll think we know a lot about the other since we've been friends since we were thirteen, but you probably know him better than I do."

"I seriously doubt that."

"It's true," Blaine nodded glumly. "He doesn't tell me about how he feels towards Ben, although it's pretty obvious. Then again, Ben doesn't tell me about how he feels towards Ivan and that's pretty obvious as well. I don't understand why two people who are obviously in love just aren't together."

"Now, that's drama," Kurt broke out into a small giggle, which Blaine had to pry his eyes from because he thought it was adorable. "You could start an entire musical with it. The Obvious and the Oblivious."

Blaine bit his lip as he tried not to smile. "Oh well, we're here," he said, standing in front of the gates of his dormitory. He felt a bit upset that the walk didn't last longer. "Thanks for walking me back, although you really didn't need to."

"Oh, come on. You had fun walking back with me. Just admit it."

"No," Blaine shook his head, hiding a smile. "No, I didn't."

"Thanks, Anderson."

"Hey, I've never heard you call me that before," Blaine mused.

Kurt blushed a little. "That's because I've never said in your presence before," he muttered.

"Sorry? What did you just say?"

"Nothing," Kurt grinned brightly. "You should get in soon. You're supposed to be sick, remember?"

Blaine beamed. "I look absolutely ill right?"

"Right, right. If you say so," Kurt said, turning to walk away. "I'll see you tomorrow, Anderson."

"Kurt, wait!"

Kurt spun around, lifting an eyebrow.

"Do you, um-" Blaine began breathlessly. "Do you want to come in for a while?"

"Go in?"

"I could show you around the dorms!"

Kurt thought for a moment before nodding. "I have the rest of the day free, anyway," he started to walk towards Blaine, but the boy held out a hand to stop him.

"On one condition," Blaine struggled to keep a straight face.

"Condition?"

"Yup, one condition," Blaine grinned impishly. "Stop calling me Anderson."

Kurt laughed. "Deal."

* * *

><p>"And this," Blaine said with a swirl of his hands, directing Kurt into the biggest room on the common floor. "Is the music room."<p>

"Wow, I never knew that dorms had music rooms. This room is huge. You even have s stage! Okay, this is déjà vu on me entering Rachel Berry's basement. Except bigger and better. Look at all these instruments! Violins, drums, cellos, oh my God, you guys have a grand piano? Does anyone even use these things?"

Blaine smiled. "We do have a large company of Warblers living in the dorms, you know? This room was made after months of complains from Warblers about other Warblers singing in the dorms."

"Wait, what?" Kurt stared at Blaine incredulously. "How did that happen?"

"They said the other Warblers' singing were so loud that they couldn't hear their own singing."

Kurt erupted into a massive fit of giggles which left him gasping for breath as he clutched his stomach. Blaine forced himself to look away before he got mesmerised by Kurt's laughter. "That was the funniest thing anyone ever told me!"

"Glad to be of service."

"Anyway, this room was built on hundreds of donations from various parents," Blaine crossed the room and lifted the cover from the piano. "It's also the only soundproof room in the entire dormitory. We could kill a person in here and no one would ever find out until they get the urge to play an instrument," Blaine grinned wickedly. "Unfortunately, nothing that exciting ever happens in here. All we ever do is hold disco parties."

"And disco parties are completely normal in music rooms."

"Here it is," Blaine gave a shrug and laughed. "This room is pitch-black when you switch off all the lights. Wes and David went out to buy a disco ball and all sorts of lightings one day and set them up in this room. Then they called for an emergency Warbler meeting at night. Everyone came in wondering why the room was dark, and suddenly the disco lights came on and the two of them were holding mics singing 'Bad Romance'."

Kurt ran his fingers over the piano keys, playing a few notes. "That sounds fun," his face grew dreamy. "We never had things like that back in New Directions."

"Can you play?"

"I've been skipping my lessons since-well, since I've had reason to transfer to Dalton."

"You want to play something?"

"Nah, I'm rusty."

"Come here," Blaine sat down on the piano bench, pulling Kurt along with him. "Hey, Kurt. You gave me glimpses of what your old school was like, but you never told me the reason why you transferred. They were all hints. From what I know, you miss your old school badly."

"Where should I start?" Kurt laughed, heaving a deep breath.

"I was bullied, Blaine. It was the normal high school routine, hierarchies form amongst the student body and New Directions was at the bottom. There were all these popular kids who felt like it was their duty to ruin my life to make theirs worth living. Every day it was slushie facials or getting pushed into lockers or getting thrown into dumpsters. At first I tolerated everything, but then there was this guy who took things to the next level. One day-" Kurt gulped nervously, remembering the look on Karofsky's face on that day. "One day, he threatened to kill me."

"What?"

"Let me finish this first, okay?" Kurt held Blaine's hand in his, giving a squeeze. "There's a reason why they all enjoy targeting me."

Blaine nodded slowly.

"Blaine," Kurt took in a deep breath, feeling the world swirl a little as he took the risk. "I'm gay."

"Oh," Blaine looked as if he felt relieved, then he caught himself. "Wait, that's no reason for your schoolmates to bully you! They can't just bully someone because he likes guys, I mean then I can give the reasoning that because he likes girls so I can punch him, right? That's complete bullshit!" He looked so adorably angry that Kurt started laughing.

Really hard.

Blaine stared at his friend, wondering what he had said to cause Kurt's uncontrollable laughter, shaking as he tried to stop. "Did I say something wrong?" he asked innocently, causing Kurt to undergo another episode of silent laughter.

"No, no," Kurt gasped for air. "It's just that, I really love you, Blaine!"

With that, he pulled Blaine into a huge hug, drawing a startled jump from the boy. Blaine felt his heart thump violently in his chest as Kurt's arms drew him close. He could feel everything, Kurt's soft cheek, the taut muscles in his arms, the curve of his neck. He could smell Kurt's familiar scent. And all these were driving him crazy.

As he recovered from his shock, Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt's waist, smiling into his shoulder. "I love you, too."

* * *

><p>He was finally out of the music room. Kurt drew in a deep breath as he held a hand to his chest, shaking his head as if it would make his embarrassment less. He could not believe how bold he had been, hugging Blaine and telling him that he loved him. And even more so, the fact that Blaine had said it back! Trying to steady his breathing, Kurt willed his heart to stop those insane palpitations, reasoning with himself that Blaine probably meant it from one friend to another.<p>

It was a perfect moment in there. If only Blaine had meant what he said the way Kurt did. He sighed deeply, wishing he hadn't felt so dizzy that he lied about needing to go back to take care of Ivan. Kurt reached into his pocket to find his phone and text Blaine to apologise for leaving so quickly. His heart skipped a beat as he realised that he had probably left his phone in the music room. Muttering profanities under his breath, he spun around to head back to the music room, both hoping and dreading that Blaine would still be there.

As he turned a corner, the gentlest sound imaginable filled the air. In his haste to leave, Kurt had forgotten to shut the music room door. He stood just outside the room, back against the wall, closing his eyes in concentration to the melody. It was as if Blaine had his entire being expressed in the tune. Sweet and gentle, just like the morning breeze. Within the gentleness hid a deep well of a sorrow, as if the composer of this song was very, very sad.

There was something else that Kurt could not put a finger to, but he had never felt captivated like he did then. It felt as if the notes were jolts of electricity which kept his body paralysed. They ran all around his body, making him shiver from the tingles. He could only stand completely still, rooted to the floor and holding a hand over his mouth as he listened. From time to time, there would be a touch of confusion, as if Blaine had not practiced this piece in a long time.

Before he could help it, he was pushing the door open quietly, walking into the room. Blaine played the last note, dragging it on as he pressed down on the keys. Then he slumped in his seat and sighed deeply.

Kurt sucked in a deep breath and applauded, beaming.

Blaine swirled around and broke out into a grin when he saw Kurt. "I thought you'd left."

"Well," Kurt smiled as he walked over to pick his phone off the chair. "I left this. It's a good thing I did, or else I would have missed out on a fabulous performance."

"You heard that?" Blaine blushed.

Kurt nodded. "What is the name of that piece?"

"Crush."

"Sounds cheesy."

"Yeah, well. Considering I wrote and named it when I was in 9th grade."

"Wait, what?" Kurt stared at Blaine in disbelief. "You wrote this?"

"Am I really that bad?" Blaine laughed.

"No! I m-mean," Kurt stuttered. "You wrote this in 9th grade? That's amazing!"

Blaine grinned, feeling his face grow hot. "I wrote it for my first crush, but I never got the chance to play it for her."

"What happened?"

"We got together for a couple of years and well, we-or rather, I really loved her," he smiled sadly, looking at his fingers as he traced the outline of the piano keys. "Then I found her in bed with my best buddy."

"What?"

Blaine smiled wryly. "We seem to be in a life-sharing episode today."

"Well," he continued, shrugging. "I guess it's partially my fault. I wouldn't take the next step into our relationship with her. So she went elsewhere to find it."

"Wait," Kurt stopped him, frowning. "So she slept with your best friend because you didn't have sex with her?"

Blaine winced, laughing. "I guess you could put it that way."

"That's absurd," Kurt shook his head in disbelief. "So is that the reason why you transferred to Dalton?"

"Well, I tried to reconcile with her. It was two days before Christmas Eve, and she called me up asking to meet up."

"So did you go?"

Blaine nodded. "When I asked her why she did it, she just started sobbing and saying how much she loved me and how much she wanted us to still be together. So I simply asked her if she still wanted me to be in her life, and she said yes. I forgave her."

He took a deep breath, then continued. "On Christmas Eve, she sent me a text saying that she was sick and couldn't meet me. I prepared two bowls of macaroni soup and packed it up. It was the first time I tried cooking. My Grandma was still alive then, and she was happy to teach me. It remains the only thing I can cook properly up till today," Blaine grinned sheepishly. "Anyway, I brought it over to her house and her mom told me she wasn't at home."

Kurt's lit up in realisation. "She lied!"

"Yeah," Blaine confirmed. "She lied about being ill. In fact, her mother was surprised to see me there. She was under the impression that her daughter was out with me."

"So you broke up with her after that?"

"There wasn't much of a choice. I ran away from it," he sighed. "Like every other thing in life, I ran."

"Blaine? You know what?" Kurt said, looking thoughtful.

Blaine raised his eyebrows.

"That girl simply didn't deserve you."

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading Crush. Please review.<strong>


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